An unexpected email that changed everything.
2024-11-14
Written by Jordan Zappitello
A little over a month ago, I logged out and left like I did everyday. I had only been home for about half an hour when my then manager sent my team a message, “Yo! WTH??? Did any one else just get an email about layoffs???”
I remember reading that message and feeling my stomach drop. We had talked about this happening. We also talked about our whole team being safe. We were already stretched pretty thin, surely the email would just say I was safe like last time. I checked my email and couldn’t believe what I was reading, “your role has been affected.”
I called my manager to ask if it was real and to see if he knew. My fears were confirmed, he didn’t know and was in more disbelief than me. Shortly after reading the email, my laptop was completely locked down and all I could do was wait until the next day to get my things.
After an emotional departure, it still didn’t feel real. I was positive that I would wake up on Monday and go back to work. On Sunday I was lying awake in bed, unable to sleep, sitting in the dark and staring out my window. I thought, “holy shit, I don’t have a job tomorrow.” It was 11:45pm, three days since I read that subject line.
For a while I felt confused. I blamed myself for not working hard enough, for making too many silly jokes, or for bad code quality. In addition to my confusion, I felt hurt. How could something so big be written in an email? I’ve been a part of other meetings that definitely could’ve been an email but, why couldn’t I have been told this to my face?
I sat with these questions as I applied for unemployment and applied to as many jobs as I could. After multiple conversations with people who support me, I realized that none of it was my fault. I was able to recognize that it was super lame to be laid off in an email but, I needed to keep moving forward.
As I started applying for jobs, I was feeling confident about my skills. I was optimistic and told myself that I would get a job fairly quickly.
Now, I’ve applied to multiple jobs a day everyday, I’m losing hope and feeling unsure about my skills. I tell myself that if I just got an interview then I would be able to show whoever that I’m worth having on their team. How can I get an interview when all I get are auto-rejection emails?
As I prepare for interviews, I keep wondering: Do I have to keep telling companies that I was “affected by a company-wide restructuring” or can I just tell them that I was laid off? I don’t want to sound desperate and be begging for a job but, I do need one. It feels like walking a tightrope between being honest about my situation and maintaining professional composure.
I don’t know what’s next for me. I might go back to school and finish my associates or even get a bachelors. I might get an awesome job that I love and be grateful I got laid off. Whatever happens next, I’m thankful to have a support system that loves me no matter what I choose. I know that wherever I go and whatever I do, I’ll put everything I have into it.